it'll be better, when we're together

I feel like this summer is going to be better than any I've ever had. I am surrounded by good friends and good vibes. I can't wait for the summer; when I'll be able to hang around with my friends all day and not worry about schoolwork, or be restricted by my parents. By the summer, I'll have my lisence, and everything will be good. I'll get a car, get a job, go on college visits. I'll write and work on my college essay, and make every day a full day. Life will be good.

The past few weeks have been mind-blowing, and through many, many summer-esque moments, I feel as if I'm finally learning how to be a teenager. Life will be good.

I've made more appointments for my onroads to get my lisence. I'm really excited to finally be finished.

I want summer, so badly.

Set me off

I've hung out with my friends for three out of the past four days this week, and it feels really good. However, I've been really panicky about whether or not I am annoying to my friends, and whether or not my friends think I am ignoring them or that I don't care about them. Because I do, I really do. My friends are everything to me, and I feel awful when I haven't talked to someone in a while, because more likely than not they think I'm a snobby bitch.

Also, people have started to think I'm bi? I hold hands with girls all the time in school, but honestly. People need to stop reading into things. I'm best friends with three bisexuals, and I accept them completely. I'm not uncomfortable holding hands with anyone. I'm slightly alarmed by the number of people who believe that rumor, but I know that it's not true and so do all of my friends, so that's all that matters for me.

However, due to circumstances last year, I'm content to ignore my love life and any possible feelings. I don't want to get hurt again.

Seven weeks until the summer

I haven't been feeling better. I haven't been any more motivated, and I haven't felt like doing anything much more than moping. All I want to do is eat Nutella, sleep, and read. I always want to be by myself.

One of my close friends in middle school died last week, and I just got back from her wake. It's completely surreal, and everytime I think about it, I want to cry. I don't believe she's actually dead. And it was completely heartbreaking to see her family and her family's friends all outside, laughing and talking and having a good time. She didn't deserve to be treated by her family like that.

I'm so sick of school. I need a vacation, soon.

Stormy weather

My report card for third term came in yesterday, and I got four B's and three A's. I know this isn't a bad report card, but I'm not impressed or satisfied with myself whatsoever. I know I can do better than this, and I should have. Now is not the time to be messing around. Especially with AP classes coming up next year, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I really expected better of myself.

I swear, I'm my own Asian parent.