Underneath it all

I'm trying to be really proactive about Christmas this year; in past years I've always left shopping to the last minute and have always seemed to miss someone. But this year I'm being smart about it, and I'm actually really excited to go through the shops and find some really special things for everyone.

My Thanksgiving was lovely; I spent it with Mel at my Uncle's house in Rhode Island. She was very pleasant and we took a lot of good shots for my Senior pictures. (:

Lately it has been my hair that has been bothering me the most, which is fantastic in terms of anxiety. I've been constantly moaning and groaning about how I want it to grow out, I want to get it thinned, I want more bangs, etc. I'm definitely excited for when I get my hair done.

Also, the song "Northern Downpour" by Panic! at the Disco has been on repeat for the past few days. I didn't think I'd like new Panic, but this song is surprisingly comforting, probably because it reminds me of the Northeast. I really love when I get obsessed with songs and they are constantly playing on my iPod, in the car, around the house, or I'm singing or humming them throughout the day. My friends get so annoyed with me when this happens, but they end up listening to those songs too.

I'm hoping this weekend will be a productive one, and I'm far too excited for Thanksgiving Break!

Irate

Dear Self-Victimizing Mother,

I had just as long of a day as you have; I did just as much work for just as long of a time. You even got to go out to eat afterwards. Meanwhile, I have an application for college due tomorrow, with half of one essay written and none of the second written. I don't have half the application itself filled out, so I apologize if I seem a little bit upset and stressed, considering it's been the only thing on my mind for about two weeks. I apologize if I snap at you for asking stupid questions or for responding quite calmly to your comments on my essay and then you freaking out at me for giving you "attitude". I apologize if you've made me cry myself to sleep four out of the past seven days. I apologize that Senior Class Play and Environmental Club alone have eaten up most of my free time, and that I haven't had time to fill out an application since last week. I apologize that I need an increase in medication because all of this stress and work has been keeping me up at night. I apologize that I'm such a horrible inconvenience to you.

Get off of your fucking pedestal. I never denied the fact that you have troubles of your own, but just FYI: So does fucking everyone else.

Love, Kara

Volatile

I am running out of time. I simply cannot do everything I'm asked.

I'm so much better without you

So, here I go again, getting myself even more confused. Mel and I were talking on facebook, and I thought that she was finally ready to sit down and have an honest talk about our relationship. Instead, she drags her own life into the conversation and I am reminded once again of how selfish she is.

The conversation went astray when she asked me my opinion on something that had to do with her boyfriend. I've never been in love, I've never wanted to be in love. I have really no educated opinion to give, but I tried with the best of my ability to be a supportive friend. I told her that I haven't had the greatest of experiences with boys so I wasn't really the one to ask. And then she throws this at me (a direct quote):

"I think your input was just fine, and the boys you've been with have been losers anyway. :P"

First of all, she does not have ANY RIGHT to say that whatsoever. She knows just as much about my relationships as I do about hers. Which is nothing. I know she didn't mean for it to sound that way, but it sounds incredibly rude and I don't even know how to respond to that. I want to scream at her, I want to rage at her, I want to tell her how I really feel about everything. I want to never see her again and I want things to go back to how they were at the same time. I never thought I'd have so much difficulty with this.