Stream of consciousness

A boy asked me out for Valentine's Day yesterday. I thought he was joking. Boys make me so rediculously uncomfortable, I don't even know. I don't know what I feel about anyone anymore. I feel so confused and upset about every little thing and I know I should be taking my pills but I just can't bring myself to. I really hate medication and the idea of it makes me really sad. I have to rely on a little white pill to make me normal. Sometimes I miss Kyle and that makes me feel even worse. Sometimes I want to talk to my mother but then I remember that she's a raging psychopath and I don't want anyone's pity. So everything stays locked up, and tense. I just really don't like how I feel right now.