Dear Boys,
Thank you for your flattering attention, but really. All I want is a fucking prom date. And one of you wants to date me, and the other one... I never know what you're thinking. And it drives me crazy. And I have a lot of things to say to both of you that I am too afraid to admit but for now, please know that I simply don't date anyone and this is very hard for me. Also, I will never love either of you as much as I love my cat.
Sincerely, Kara.