Le passé

Driving around nearby neighborhoods, we used to point out houses to each other, we used to say, Can we live in that house? That is the house I want to raise our children in. We would laugh about our parenting techniques, how we would raise our kids, what we would name them, what sports we would put them in and what instruments they would play. We used to joke that after the third child, I would become an alcoholic, and the kids would depend on him, but he would vehemently deny that sort of responsibility, that he would leave me if I ever did that. Our naivety, our pure, idealized love was perfect then. We were, quite literally, just kids in love, even then, even in the summer, before either of us (or at least I) could realize what love was, the full potential of what we had.

I never imagined, back then, driving around house hunting with my boyfriend, that I would lose all of it just a few months later. I regret it with all my heart that I didn't appreciate the love we had while we were so deeply involved in it.