Sunday, December 5, 2010

what I've given up.

My morals have completely shattered; I have turned into this empty, hollow, shell of an actual human being who has no regard for other's feelings and takes, takes, takes. I don't know what I have gotten myself into, but I depend on it to get me through the next two weeks, until I am back at the nest, back in my mother's arms and with my best friends and people who actually care about my existence and don't just want to get in my pants.

I allow all of this to happen. I could have been firm, I could have said no, but I have no objection to pain and heartbreak anymore and crave the attention and affection of any male that comes across my path. I am destroying relationships across the globe, and I show no remorse. This is the life I have come to, these are the choices I have made. My path has been determined. I am useless, I am a cynical, murderous bitch. You are no longer here to keep me anchored, and my calm, serene sunshine has turned into a dangerous hurricane. I pray that this hurricane reaches you, that the evidence and gossip makes you stop and feel the slightest amount of sadness for the pain you've caused me. You have created a monster.

1 comment:

Erica said...

YOU HAVE NOT darlingggg i know it might feel like this, but you really haven't given up your morals. if you did, then you wouldn't feel bad about it.

you're going to have to figure out how to be anchored without ryan. i know you're sad but ryan was a douchebag and you don't need him in your life, you're so much better than him and you deserve so much better. you'll get better evemtually, i promise. <3