The slightest things set me off and cause me to be in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I'm antsy for break, I want to have a week that is all mine and spend it however I want, filled with adventures to new places and long car rides and loud music. I want to have as close to a substitute of summer as I possibly can.

I can't wait for my birthday. I can't wait to have my tattoo, and I don't really care if no one supports my decision. I can't wait to party in Boston with my best friends and feel truly alive for the first time in a long while.

Arch

I dropped the biggest hint about prom to Ryan yesterday and I didn't even mean to. haha I was just being my normal, panicky self when Ciara started talking about prom and I was like, "Let's not talk about it." And Ryan suddenly perked up and was like, "Why?" So Devon and I took turns explaining that it's unnecessary for people to be talking about prom so early in the season, and that I especially didn't want to talk about it because I have to find a boy date and not just Devon, because my mom wants me to. Vikki backed me up even further, saying that her mom said she wouldn't pay for her dress if she didn't go with a boy. I don't think many people believe my story because my mom doesn't seem like that, but Vikki backing it up helped. My mom has been trying to set me up with senior prom dates since the summer before freshman year, it is that big of a deal to her.

Hopefully, the message gets across that yes, he should ask me. I don't want to take advantage of him like that because I don't have any feelings for him but he's my closest straight, single, male friend and I don't have very many options, okay? I hate prom so much.

Progress

I would like to mention that after I was fascinated with his phone for about three minutes, Larry laughed and patted me on the head and said that I was cute.

Kyle was in the room. *super win*

Chasing Lights

I saw him for the first in a long time today. It was just in passing, but I still had so stop, close my eyes, and take a deep breath. I kept walking. He's changed so much.

Some days I get sad and tired and I just want a boy to tell me that I mean something to him.

For a short while

The more everyone is beginning to talk about prom, the more nervous I get. I feel pressured to have an actual date (who is male and not my bffs) but, as it happens, I tend to push away all male attention and therefore come up short for a date. Not that I should even be worrying about it now, but Mel is planning it out like it's her wedding day, and I just was never aware that prom was supposed to be like that at all.

Home Alone

There is a certain halfway point between freedom and parental control that comes with being seventeen. I know it, my friends know it, and my mother knows it. "Be sure to clean up the kitchen," she says, taking her bags into her arms. I nod, not registering anything. "And do the laundry. I'll be back tomorrow." She gives me several hugs and kisses, before she's out the door, and I am locking it behind her. I glance around at the messy kitchen, and start to get ready to go out with my friends.

What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

shopping addiction

I think it's really funny that as soon as Devon suggests that we stop shopping so much, we go out shopping even more. Yesterday we went to Whole Foods, and then today we went to Target. I am going back to buy a pair of heels that I fell absolutely in love with. I am so rediculous.